A Merry Story.
This poem was published in the Glossop-dale Chronicle on 21 March 1902 as part of the series of Reminiscences of Glossop between 1800 & 1850. It was described as "Humorous lines on a wedding solemnized at the Parish Church, Glossop, in the year 1826, taken from the original copy, presented to the Rev Christopher Howe, vicar, by Mr Joseph Bennett, of Turn Lee, a respected and well-remembered resident of the town, and cousin of the bridegroom."
A
Merry Story.
The cause of my song is a
wedding so gay,
For to fetch his dear bride Will Mills drove
away;
Nor was it a secret, as well you must know,
He took with
him Mitchell and Bottomley Joe.
That
the journey was long they all did agree,
For they'd been ask'd
before to stop at Turn-Lee,
Says Will, "here's my cousin,
he'll help what he can,
For he's promis'd before to be the groom's
man."
Then
Will said to Joe, "there's a job not yet done,
So tell your
good parson to wed I am come,
His worship, when told for his trap
there were mice,
Says he, "Mr Joe, I approve of your choice."
"I
thank you," says Joe, and he drank up his wine,
The mouse for
your trap's a relation of mine
The Vicar concluded he then must be
wrong,
With "Sir, I shall have you before it be long."
Next
morning, betime, for the bride Joe was sent,
Where to a good
posset his efforts he lent,
Missing
line here in the original article
And Joe, though sore vex'd,
had to put down his spoon.
Soon
back he set out, with the bride and some more,
And stopp'd at Turn
Lee for the rest of the core,
Then to Glossop set off, and so to
the church,
Joe's care was no elbows should break in the porch.
And
to tell you the truth I shall not be remiss,
For the first
question ask'd, Will reply'd yes,
The
answer was good, but it was not right till
The whole of the matter
was answer'd "I will."
The
rites being over, the dues they were paid ;
You shall soon have
the lines the minister said :
Away then we posted to'th Norfolk
Arms Inn,
And to strike up a dance we soon did begin.
We
had not been long ere his reverence came,
Was begg'd to sit down,
and his liquor to name,
His lines soon he handed with joys from
his glass,
Saying, "Yorkshire ne'er comes but to take off our
gloss."
Much
mirth we had here, till the time being told,
'Twas mov'd we should
go, ere the dinner was cold,
To keep them long waiting we did not
incline,
So to Hayfield we went and there we did dine.
Dinner
being over, our liquor we got,
For over Holme Moss it was time for
to trot:
The bride her relations must now leave, so dear,
What
affection was seen in the trickling tear.
No
doubt 'tis a task for relations to part,
But then, in exchange,
was a hand and a heart;
The ladies, like angels, were ready to
trip,
And round went the wheels at the crack of the whip.
We
drove at full speed, and went merry away,
'Twas order'd Woodhead
should supply us with tea,
We found it all ready, and tea-cakes
quite new,
Miss Dower said "I've made them on purpose for
you."
Then
Bottomley prais'd her, which made her to trip,
He said,ere we
left, he'd a smack of her lip ;
But time it was short, which made
him to leave her,
Saying, "Farewell my dear sweet
muffin-weaver."
Then
again we set sail for Huddersfield town,
And we walk'd up the Moss
to ride again down,
Said some of our crew we are slack in the
girth,
The duce could no get 'em by 'th George in Holmfirth. (1)
When
refresh'd once again, we started for sure,
And, ere it was long,
were plac'd at th' groom's door,
We soon were unshipp'd, and
landed safe too,
And the next thing, of course, was, how do you
do.
A
better reception no mortal could wish,
The supper was ready, well
serv'd to a dish,
Some custards and jellies stood two storeys
high,
But we soon pull'd them down our wants to supply.
We
now chang'd the cloth for fruit, liquors, and wine,
So mirth and
good humour on all sides did shine,
The groom's pleasure to hasten
all fully were bent,
The
clock it struck one, so we each to our tent.
Next
morning we rose, and to keep up the spree,
Not a voice was there
found that did not agree,
The first thing to be nam'd and the
first on the file,
Was a sail down to Holt's in the Emerld Isle.
(2)
Like
most other captains, he'd plenty of grog,
But we soon brought it
down full more than a cog,
The ladies now mov'd we should go back
again,
So we made a set out, and pray you what then?
Why,
Joseph's dog, Bob, very soon, you shall hear,
Being placed in the
boat, refus'd to steer,
For this he got punish'd and call'd a
fool,
And like other brutes he was put i'th cuckstool. (3)
This
journey afforded much laughter and fun,
With a party at night then
the game was begun,
They were some of our host's most intimate
friends,
Who to eat him a supper well served his ends.
Some
worthy old trumps, who no colours did fear,
But, judge for
yourselves, when their names you do hear,
With Holt there was
Ringrose, who spirits does vend,
Such a sample he has, to him let
us send.
All
such as could sing to their voice gave & lift,
You may guess
at the dye, by Mitchell and Swift,
Patent Lever Hanson, here adds
to my rhyme,
And Bottomley too, he's a' dealer in lime.
The
woollen cloth weavers were Learoyd and Platt,
A brewer is Mills,
but for Bennet a bat
I shall not my hearty's, for matter yet
clag,
For we'd Aspinal John, a seller of flag.
He
was quite full of talk, a good brandy stock,
His reason soon was,
O James let me oick, (4)
We'd High, Jack, and Game, I'd have you
to know,
Gyneocrasy (5) won, and so we lost Lowe. (6)
When
for home we set out, a trick we'd in store,
Both plann'd and
play'd not far from the door,
A boat was there fetch'd, which by
moonlight did sail,
So out of the cellar we fetch'd Will's ale.
It
got smuggled off, and in time we did moor,
And most of its
contents were drunk I am sure ;
For pot-crates and coal-carts that
night was a show,
And doorsteps o'th wrong end were placed you
must know. (7)
Nor
did we stop here would we have you to dream,
On Saturday night we
were curled by the ream,
Two there was missing from our crew you
shall hear,
And th' groom got a cradle, he knew not from where.
Soon
back in the barber's themselves they did place,
And one of them
wiped much sweat from his face,
Says one of our fellows, "
why, sir, how you pant !"
But the answer was nothing but,
"Haunt or haunt haunt." (8)
Another
got up with, "It's just struck my mind
Two parcels I have for
my aunt that's so kind,"
Yet that she ne'er got them, no
doubt she would say,
For he was in bed after noon the next day.
(9)
Our
appearance next day we made at the kirk,
To pray for good luck on
a nuptial day's work,
The prayers were read o'er then, the parson
did preach,
And how for to mend very much he did teach.
To
handle old soot he'd a mighty good knack,
And with guilt of all
sorts he saddled his back,
Allow, Mr F., he's a haft for your
blade,
You would rather black sin than work at a trade.
Next
thing that turned up I will tell you about,
For to see our friend
John (10) eleven set out,
We found his old daddy alone at his
home,
And said that his son had much wish'd us to come.
But
the truth of the thing one ought to afford,
To ask us there ne'er
had been spoken a word,
No matter for that, we were welcome and
free,
So John he came back and was there to his tea.
Such
havoc in muffins I'm sure ne'er was seen,
And good cakes and
toast, you might see where they'd been,
A dearth in Rastrick would
soon have been made
If we with our friend much longer had stay'd.
(11)
It
was a good alehouse, (12) and shot was on strap,
And into the
liquor we made a large gap,
But when that we left him, he said, in
a joke,
"Don't come till I ask you," I think that he
spoke.
We
ate and we drank till as round as a jar,
The weight of our ballast
broke th' axle o'th car, (13)
But now for to drop it, it is my
intent,
For attention to th' whole will never be lent.
To
the bride and the groom these lines I will give,
May blessings
attend them as long as they live;
May Fortune on all hands her
favours bestow,
And crown with abundance the pair that we know.
JOSEPH
BENNETT.
Turn Lee, Oct. 14, 1826.
(1)
George Inn, in Holmfirth, where we called.
(2) Emerald Isle - a
pleasure boat of that name.
(3)
Mr Bottomley, one of the party. His dog Bob sometimes would steer the
boat, but refusing so to do that day, he made him leap from the
battlement of the bridge into the water, resembling the punishment
formerly used about Huddersfield for brute women, called
cuckstool.
(4) The discharge of an overloaded stomach
(5) The
word is derived from the word Gune, a woman, and Krateo, I govern, or
"the woman govern."
(6) Lowe, a young man who should
have attended at the party, but his dear one would not let him.
(8)
Haunt, etc., a cant word known by some of the party.
(9) Connected
with No. 8.
(10) Friend John, one of the party who lived at
Rastrick, about three miles distant from Huddersfield.
(11) How we
behaved when we got to Rastrick.
(12) The house was Bull's Head
Inn.
(13) We broke the axle of a car we had in coming to
Huddersfield again.
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Last updated: 8 January 2024